WASHINGTON—A CNN/Gallup Poll released Monday revealed that a vast majority of registered male voters would have strongly supported a naked woman in the 2010 midterm elections.
Respondents also requested a longer, hard-copy version of the poll be sent to their home addresses.
The online survey found that regardless of political philosophy or party affiliation, 85 percent of American men in every ethnic, age, and socioeconomic group consistently chose a completely nude woman over a Democratic, Republican, or independent candidate.
“Male voters from 18 to 85 were shown pictures of the candidates running in the midterms elections and then a picture of a naked lady,” head pollster Gerald Walton said. “Across the board, they favored the naked lady.”
“Even in highly contested Senate races in Colorado, Nevada, and Pennsylvania, it would have been a naked-lady sweep,” Walton added. “And a naked woman would have easily been elected governor in all 37 states where the office was up for grabs.”
According to the survey, 52 percent of respondents who preferred the naked woman said that nipple visibility was more important than job creation; 26 percent would accept higher taxes in exchange for a close-up view of her pubic region; and 18 percent stipulated that none of the good parts should be obscured by her hands if she wanted to earn their vote.
Nearly 90 percent of respondents asked for additional polls featuring a naked lady.
“In this political climate, there is absolutely no way 84-year-old, 29-term Rep. John Dingell (D-MI) could have withstood a challenge from a naked woman,” Walton said. “Especially one with lips that pert and skin that milky. Those breasts are also quite something. Really impressive.”
The poll results confirmed that including a naked woman on the ballot would have dramatically improved voter turnout among Caucasian, Latino, African-American, Asian, white-collar, blue-collar, wealthy, middle-class, poor, young, elderly, and middle-aged males. Among those questioned, the most frequently cited reasons for supporting the nude woman included her wearing no bra or panties, standing up straight with a puffed-out chest, and being naked.
In addition, exit polls indicated a 94 percent approval rating for the naked lady among male voters, with a majority saying they liked the direction she would probably take the country in. While 8 percent of men were not totally confident that the naked woman would do a better job running the nation than other candidates, this minority was quickly rebuffed by the 90 percent who said that nobody talks about her that way and “don’t even think about touching her.”
“I would have voted for the naked lady,” Carson City, NV resident David Stefano told reporters. “Definitely.”
According to Beltway insiders, though the picture of the naked lady is extremely popular at the moment, in order for her to be a viable candidate, voters would need to know her position on several key issues, such as whether she plans on gaining weight, her stance on kissing one or more naked women at the same time, and cap and trade.
However, the political future for unclothed women appears promising.
“Right now the path for a naked lady to take control of the White House in 2012 is wide open, because every state would be in play,” NBC News political director Chuck Todd said Friday, adding that even a woman wearing a sheer fabric draped over her bare body could ascend to the presidency as long as the garment was see-through. “I have never seen the male electorate more electrified. And we also shouldn’t underestimate how a naked woman could potentially take advantage of the young-confused-female- college-student vote.”
A follow-up CNN.com poll later indicated that 92 percent of suburban male voters preferred a naked woman to the United Nations while 78 percent would choose “a totally nude lady who is well-groomed” over peace in the Middle East.